Am I worthy of God?
“Yo no soy
digno de que entres en mi casa, pero una palabra tuya bastará para sanar mi
alma”.
“My lord, I am not worthy that you
should enter under my roof, but only say a word and my soul will be healed.”
Those are the words we say before receiving communion.
Why? What does it mean?
Imagine how Mary felt when she was addressed by the
Angel of the Lord.
The Angel of the Lord announced to Mary that God had
chosen her amongst all women to marry her. God the Creator had chosen a woman
amongst the daughters of Adam and Eve to marry.
Mary is the most favored amongst all women. She was
chosen as the bride of God. There is only one God, and he chose amongst all the
daughters of men only one woman to have her only son.
Imagine how you would feel if God chooses you to be his
wife. The Logos, the one that created you and all things visible and invisible
chooses you... and He is conceived within you.
What did Mary
feel?
We have two texts that give us a clue.
"Behold the handmaiden of the Lord, be done unto me
as according to your will."
"My soul glorifies the Lord, my spirit rejoices in
God, my Savior. He looks on his servant in her lowliness."
We can easily infer she is not a woman who felt she
deserved to be married to God. She feels unworthy, as a servant, or handmaid.
She feels a profound lowliness before the presence of the Lord.
There were many women, but Mary had something special.
She had something that made her special. What was so special? She felt lowly,
unworthy, undeserving of such a grace. It is precisely for this reason she
reveals to us the heart of Jesus in these wonderful words.
"henceforth all ages will call me blessed. The
Almighty works marvels for me. Holy his name! His mercy is from age to age, on
those who fear him. He puts forth his arm in strength and scatters the
proud-hearted. He casts the mighty from their thrones and raises the lowly. He
fills the starving with good things, sends the rich away empty."
Jesus, God, fell in love with her. She feels she is
unworthy of such a high calling. She is humble. Before receiving the Lord she
feels unworthy, and that is precisely the attitude that prepares us to receive
the Lord. Indeed, every time we receive the Eucharist, we are with Mary on that
special day when she was married to The Lord.
Jesus said in a parable that the one man praying to God
blaming himself for sins was going to be answered by God before the one who
regards himself as worthy.
When we come before the presence of the Lord in the
Eucharist, we must embrace the heart of Mary, feel like she does. That is the
only way not to be sent away with empty hands.
If we approach
the Lord feeling we are worthy, we run the risk of being scattered for having a
proud heart. We run the risk of being casted from our 'mighty' thrones.
If we feel we are worthy of receiving Jesus, we haven't
gotten the memo. That is perhaps the reason the Lord calls us hypocrites,
letting us know that prostitutes and drunkards are ahead of us in the knowledge
of the Love of God.
How do you feel? Do you feel your works, prayers,
holiness, good deeds, and all your shit give you a sense of worthiness to stand
before God, to justify that you should feel worthy before the Lord?
I ask myself the simple question: who is worthy to stand
before his presence? I know one thing, that those that feel entitled and worthy
are the ones who will be answered lastly.
Let us follow the beautiful example of Mary, our mother.
She is inviting us to use her perfume, so that the Lord finds us pleasing
before him. The perfume of Mary is a deep sense of lowliness, as a servant,
unworthy of such a high calling, to be chosen to be God's only wife, to give
birth to his only Son.
The same thing happens to us in the Eucharist. We must
be in the spirit of the words that say: “I am not worthy that you shall enter
into my house”. Our lowliness is before us, and the Lord at all times. We must
give the Lord the opportunity to raise us from the Death and give us Eternal
Life.
"He who has not sinned be the one who throws the
first stone," are the harsh words for those that feel too worthy. So much
so, they feel worthy, that they even
pretend to execute their sisters and brothers in the name of God.
How do you feel before the great calling to receive the
Lord? Do you feel worthy, or do you feel like a sinner, a prostitute, a drunkard,
a sinner?
Let us wash our interior clothes and dress ourselves
with humbleness, feeling we are unworthy, lowly, before such a gift, the
Eucharist. Let us put Mary's perfume, a humble scent, the fragrance of roses, a
humble heart that does not judge our brother and our sister, for we do not feel
better than them. We don’t feel worthy.
Salvation is a gift from God, and so is his love. How
could we feel worthy and deserving of such high calling? That would be madness.
There is nothing we could offer God to make ourselves look attractive to him
but Mary’s spirit of lowliness, our meekness, our sins.
Saint Paul used to say he only boasted of two things:
Jesus the Lord, and the sins committed by Paul himself. Why boast about the
sins? Because he was forgiven much. He was an assassin who persecuted
Christians before his convention. However, he did not feel like that in his
early life, as Saul of Tarsus. His attitude before he converted was the
attitude of one who felt that he had a right to kill in the name of God. He was
a Pharisee amongst Pharisees, he knew the scripture from top to bottom, and he
felt worth it. He was also a Roman citizen, and that made him feel even more worth
it. As a consequence and because of that, the Lord stepped in front of Saul and
threw him off his horse of arrogance and sense of worthiness.
I always pray to Saint Paul: “Open the eyes of the
American people and the United States Congress, so that they realize that
persecuting the Church of Christ brings more harm to them, than the harm they
do to his Church. I ask for Paul to intercede for America, so that we realize
that persecuting his church will only bring more harm to us, than good. I also
pray for those that feed terrorists with weapons, so they realize how bad it is
to enable them to persecute and kill the church and the meek.
Do you feel exceptional, worthy, or do you feel
lowliness and not worthy to receive him?
Two attitudes, completely away from each other: One the
Lord likes, one he finds unpleasant.
Do you feel worthy that he should enter into your house?
Do you feel unworthy that he should enter into your
house, and that only one word from him is enough to save your soul?
Do you judge and condemn your brothers and sisters
before the presence of the Lord, or do you ask mercy for yourself and others?
Do you feel worthy before God, or do you feel a sense of
profound lowliness?
Lord Jesus, mother Mary, allow us to feel what you felt
when he called you to be his wife, mother of his only son. Let your spirit of
lowliness descend upon us. Don't ever allow us to feel worthy and deserving.
Protect us from Satan.
Apaxim
